I Need George Clooney to Stop Being So Good-Looking

Even though it almost certainly does her more harm than good, sometimes a girl just has to curl up with Runaway Bride and a bag of chocolate chips.

For ladies, romantic comedies can do a lot of damage— they’ve been giving us false hope since we watched Cinderella. But let’s be honest, you guys: the only guy who’s going to search for the girl who lost her shoe at his ball is going to be severely and hopelessly gay. And that’s awesome; I want to be friends with that guy. But that’s not really who I’m looking for.

Who I’m looking for.

These movies promise us things. Things like, yes, there is a guy out there who is witty and sensitive, will dance with you to Miles Davis and be happy with your success, who owns a cat, and who is straight and not secretly a psychopath. Also he’ll be either Robert Downey Jr. or George Clooney.

It’s probably a good thing this photo is out of focus; a sharper image might burn your retinae.

I can’t expect every guy to look like Robert Downey Jr. Or own a cat. Or the rest of the stuff, I guess… Fuck it, I’m watching What Women Want next. Mel Gibson might be off his nut, but damnit if he doesn’t just melt my heart.

A girl can dream.